Step 3: Recognizing Your Desires



STEP 3: RECOGNIZING YOUR DESIRES is the third step in receiving your life. So many of us either are not aware of what we truly desire, or believe we do not deserve to put our desires front and center in our lives. There can be good reasons for your not knowing or expressing your truest desires. Many of us have been taught to look to the world around us for direction on what to desire and what to do, rather than look within.

Being in touch with your truest values, the process you started working on in Step 2, helps you come to your true desires.

Your desires are how you choose to live your values.



Your desires, your true desires, pull you. They pull you forward into the giving and receiving flow of life.

You can think of your values as what you are, and of your desires as what you do as an expression of what you are.

Your desires are how you express your values, and how you shape and mold the expression of your values. For example, eating raw food or cycling may be how you shape your value of health.

Your true desires are about how you take the invisible part of you, your values, and live these out on the physical plane. Your true desires show you a lot about yourself.



I believe our deepest desire is to be who we are and our greatest fear is that we can’t be

that we have to compromise ourselves or sell out to survive. Just as an orange tree’s purpose is to produce oranges and a rosebush’s purpose is to bloom roses, your purpose in life is to share the gift that you are. A person does not have the capacity to give more than what they will allow themselves to receive. By following these 5 steps, you will increase your ability to receive and give your true nature.

Your path to a purposeful and satisfying life is to become aware of who you are and then to have the courage to follow the inspiration you are receiving.

Only then will you be in a position to give what you are here to give, and to receive what you deserve to receive. 



What you truly desire for yourself is longing to be lived through you. To be happy, you will want to listen to yourself. You will want to get in touch with what you truly desire. And yet, you already know what you truly desire.

You may have grown numb to your desires, protecting yourself from the disappointment of not being allowed to live them. But if you listen, your desires are there, right there inside you, awaiting your expression. Sometimes, too often, we can be hesitant to tune in and listen to our truest desires. We tend to do this when we fear that following our truest desires will take us away from the people we love, or that we will lose what we value if we act on our deepest desires. Or maybe we are afraid that if we act on these desires, if we truly start thinking for ourselves, people will think we are self-centered and selfish.

When you hear the word “desire” you may say to yourself, “well if everyone followed his or her desires, our society would fall apart. People would be stealing, they would quit their jobs, lay around all day, drink too much, eat too much, etc.” This fear comes to us only when we are unfamiliar with the flow and the true nature of people.

Destructive behaviors do not come out of people being authentic with themselves. Destructive behaviors come out of people resisting the flow and feeling cut off and separate from life. People engaged in destructive behaviors are feeling powerless and looking for a way to experience more relief and less pain.



False desires are not true desires. False desires don’t really satisfy you for long. False desires sometimes seem like true desires at the outset. And these false desires can diminish your resistance for awhile: you may not realize you are pushing against the flow (your flow, your true self) while you act on these false desires.

These false desires may even feel like pulls for a while, but they are not really pulls. Look closely at your desires to know whether they are false desires or are your very own true desires. One way to discern between the two is that false desires are not sustainable. At some point, their ability to satisfy or provide relief will diminish.



If you tune in and listen, you will realize that the true desires in your heart are very customized and unique to you. These are the expression of your own true values, of what is most important to you.

Even if you have been ignoring your true desires, they haven’t gone anywhere.

These desires, these yearnings within your soul, want to be brought out into the world and they want to be lived through you.

You are the person perfectly designed to fulfill on the desires you have. Your desires connect you to your truest, most authentic, self. You are pulled by your desires into the current of your life and you feel this pull. Your own desires are not random; rather they are very personal and specific to you. When you follow a true desire, you are catching the wave that wants to happen. It is the direct path into your flow. Do not be concerned if this makes only some sense to you at this time. You will find that the more you go over this material and use your personal data from your push/pulls, the more all this will speak to you.

As you feel your pushes and pulls throughout the day, you can tell when you are following your desires, being pulled toward what you truly desire to be, do and have. And, you will also notice when you feel powerless to be who you are, when you feel someone or something is obstructing you from being your authentic self. This is a moment to moment awareness. We go in and out of our pushes and pulls throughout the day.


Step 3


When you are following your true desires, you feel yourself being pulled to do so. Desires are an energy calling you forth. And when you say yes to your truest desires, you can feel your energy being pulled into the flow of life. Each time you experience a pull, this is an indication you are pulled to say yes to a true desire. The decision is up to you whether or not you are going to allow yourself to go where you are being pulled.

You are going to begin to see how you express the values that you are. Go back to Step 2 REVEALING MY VALUES EXERCISE and copy the list of your values.  Next to each value list some desires that you live as an expression of that value. As you will discover there is more than one door to accessing your purposeful and satisfying life. You can gather this information through your values and desires. (And as you will see in Step 4, also through your resistance.) Review the values you have on this list and notice the connection between your values and your desires. Notice how your desires are an expression of your values.  

Examples of Expressions of Values…

Below are examples of desires that are an expression of values. When you express your true desires, you are living your own values. You are a unique expression of life, so the desires you live as an expression of your own values will be customized to you.

Value – Productivity

Desires I express in living my value of productivity:

Finishing my office work by 4 p.m., planning out our weekly meals, working in the garden, combining my errands.

Value – Creativity

Desires I express in living my value of creativity:

Working on the kids’ scrapbook, designing the logo for my client, telling my daughter a bedtime story, shopping at the home improvement store.

Value – Adventure

Desires I express in living my value of adventure:

Not booking our hotel rooms ahead of time, looking at the map for our bike trip, learning to ride a motorcycle, reading the new mystery novel by my favorite author.

Value – Beauty

Desires I express in living my value of beauty:

Working in the rose garden, watching the sky change colors, picking out my outfit for the party, flipping through the fashion magazine at the grocery store.

Value – Prosperity

Desires I express in living my value of prosperity:

Teaching to a full class, picking fruit off our tree in the backyard, deciding what to eat at the food court, checking my bank statement.

Value – Focus

Desires I express in living my value of focus:

Working on my model in the garage, reading my favorite poetry book, meeting my friend for coffee, experimenting with the new bread recipe.

Value – Love

Desires I express in living my value of love:

Walking my dog, sitting in the backyard, watching my son perform his solo, watching the news clip about the community coming together.

Value – Playfulness

Desires I express in living my value of playfulness:

Having our neighbors over for margaritas, shopping in the city, playing with my granddaughter, eating popsicles.

Value – Honesty

Desires I express in living my value of honesty:

Reporting all my income, sharing my feelings with my sister about what she said, making the decision to find a new roommate, keeping track of my calories.

Value – Purposeful

Desires I express in living my value of being purposeful:

Communicating I will no longer be on the committee, cleaning out the garage, responding to the call for a new job, meeting with my editor for an update meeting.

You may have the same or similar values as are listed in the above examples, yet your desires from the same value may be completely different. Receive Your Life is a very personalized system. The data you are gathering is specific to you.  

To see how to arrange these lists, see the Step 3 Exercise Chart on the following page. Now, list your desires in a column on the other side of your list of values. Your push/pulls are your personal data that you will be using each time you work with the steps. For this step, Step 3, your pulls led to your values and then your values led to your desires. All three aspects are a continues thread of the expression of you.



Take a moment to look at your desires and notice the pull energy you have felt while living that desire or what you are experiencing right now reflecting on that desire. You will want to get very familiar with what it feels like to be living as your true self. Even though you may have become conditioned away from it, this is your natural state.

You will learn to more and more feel the difference between (a) being pulled toward something, and (b) pushing against something.

Some of the information you are seeing in your push/pulls you may have already known about yourself. Basically, you are discovering or rediscovering who you are. Parts of you may seem new to you as you do these exercises. However, you are never separate from your true self. Even though at times you may feel disconnected and estranged from yourself, as you’ll see as we go forward, you are just a thought away from experiencing your purposeful and satisfying life. It is important to gather this information because it helps you have a greater understanding of who you are.